Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Mama said there'd be days like this...

I didn't cry when the twins walked for the first time, or spoke their first words, or even on the first day of school. I am happy, excited even and right there cheering them on feeling so blessed to be their mama. I celebrate their victories one milestone at a time. I am eager for what's next and when they have grown and learned a new skill I am so incredibly proud. 

Today though, as I sit here and write this; my heart is breaking. We've been having issues with our listening skills around here. Seperately the twins are dreams. They do as they're told, are so sweet and helpful; wonderful, wonderful children. Even together there are long spans of time that are uniquely delightful and so much fun. But then when it's not, it's really not. The competition, the fighting, and the constant negotiations would give the best trial lawyers out there a run for their money. Some days it seems impossible to solve their disputes and not cause too much damage to their young souls. So I try taking myself out of the equation. After all, they are 4 and perfectly smart enough to know right from wrong, notwithstanding they also know how to tug on mamas heart strings. I try to sit out and let them resolve their own arguments, but they don't. It becomes a tattle tail tornado that has no truth or fact and just lies lies lies spewing from those sweet innocent faces. How do you navigate thru these moments? I can't watch them every second and if I don't see what happens then who do you believe hit who first, or who stole a toy, or who has more milk, or who can grab mamas attention the most and hold onto it by any means necessary? Do you punish them both then? At what point do you realize things are not working and make a big parenting move? 

As we teach the twins a hard lesson on consequences and responsibility for their behavior; I realize that of all the firsts this is the one that will make me cry.  With young twins it's hard to follow thru for the sheer fact that you can't leave one home alone! So then they both have to miss out, which is so not fair. So we tend to create a situation where they can make it better thru a time out, good behavior, or an apology; but lately it just seems that they know that that's the only consequence, and big deal. There's no real threat of them missing out so they act like (and kinda are) the boss. Well that's all about to change... I hope.

It's our natural instinct to protect our children, to make everything ok again; not be the ones causing them to hurt. I feel the ache in my heart and the anxiousness for what the day will bring. Deep down I was praying this moment would be unnecessary, but I can't make any more excuses. I know how devastated they both will be, one because they will miss out and the other because it will be equally traumatic to leave their buddy at home. At the end of the day they are best friends and seeing each other upset instantly will bring the other to tears. Their hearts are big and they LOVE each other. Overshadowed in a second by the realization that they now have the opportunity to taunt and tease the other about the fun they will have. You may say all young kids/siblings have problems listening, fighting, competing; and you're right; but there's something about 2 at the same age, 2 at the same mental and emotional state that makes this a fine line to toe. When you have to make a decision in a second on who to believe, bedtime shenanigans while each has a hundred things to do or say to delay the process, and the whining/crying demanding crazyness fighting for your attention from morning til night... This is not the dynamic I want in my home, not the relationships we want to nurture and grow as parents. So united we stand, hoping our hearts can make it thru a little tough love in order to reset acceptable behavior and expected consequences... Ha... Can we go back to 2 babies please?? Life was so much less complicated when it was just the demands of 2 newborns and not life molding decisions.