Sunday, October 26, 2014

A Letter to my Unborn Son

Hey there buddy boy, less than a week before your arrival! We are so very excited to meet you, and kiss you, and hold you. The best part of this past year was finding out you were joining this family, but it has also been a difficult one; our lives flipped upside down and inside out. A roller coaster ride to say the least. We moved into a new home, in a new town. We opened the doors to our first restaurant, and we said goodbye to too many loved ones. Many highs and lows and through it all, your birth has been the light at the end of the tunnel, the joy we all desperately need, and the reminder to cherish the good life brings. At times it felt this moment would never arrive, and yet here we are just days away now. Truly amazing. You are joining a crazy but fun and loving crew, and I know you are the piece we never knew was missing. You are a gift and are loved unconditionally. 

There are a few things you need to know and a few things I hope for you before you climb aboard this crazy train.

We are cuddlers. There is nothing better than climbing in the big bed and snuggling up with some netflix. When it was just the twins, they easily took a side and everything was right in the world. When Sydney joined the pack I was nervous how we would continue to cuddle together, and feared someone would be left out. But we just adjusted. Making room and fitting together like puzzle pieces. As you grow in my belly, your bump has created the perfect pillow that your three siblings now fight over and giggle every time you kick them. The prime, and most coveted, cuddle spot. I was worried for nothing. And now even though I'm not sure how, I am certain that we will adjust again and everyone will find a way to snuggle in. I hope you are ready to join in; it's kinda unacceptable not to.

Daddy works a lot, but this is all for you and your siblings. He loves this family with all his heart. He is working hard to build his dream and give you everything - including more family time. It is temporary. I promise you will see him a lot because you will grow up in our restaurants and no doubt will be in the moby wrap soon while your daddy and I work. It will be what you know, what is familiar, and what is comfortable. I hope that these memories stay with you and help define your work ethic, sense of responsibility, and love for good food.

Your big brother, has been (im)patiently waiting for your arrival since Sydney tipped the scales in the girl/boy ratio of our family. He has been waiting so long for a roommate, someone to dress alike with, but mostly someone to beat up.  I will make him wait until you are bigger, but know that this comes from a loving place to rough house and from years of making him be gentle with his sisters. I hope that your desire to play with him matches his desire to wrestle, tackle and throw balls at you. I hope you are the best of friends and that your competitiveness is driven by your desire to push each other farther and not from bitterness or resentment.

We like to travel. For now, a few hour road trip to visit family or on the road for days to the beach in Florida. Your siblings are all road warriors and I promise you we'll do everything we know to make the driving a great part of the trip. I hope you also share their disposition and find the fun in traveling. It won't stop us from road tripping if you don't, but it will make it a lot less enjoyable.

You have a lot of family that loves you, but don't get to see you often. Your dad and I have followed our dreams to make the best life we can for you all, but that required us to move away from our hometowns. I know they may feel like strangers at first but they are not. And as you get older you will begin to remember them and miss them and look forward to our next visits together. I hope that you will open your heart anyways and let them hug and kiss and hold you close.

Bedtime is at a reasonable time around here. We started sleep training when the twins were 6 weeks old and Sydney fell right in line, and it worked. Don't be the exception to the rule, please! Mama and daddy need their quiet time too and that comes with a standard of early to bed. I promise I am a better mommy with my downtime, and you will feel better well rested. I will never understand how parents deal with kids at 9,10,11 o'clock at night and I really don't ever want to find out. I hope you value sleep and naps as much as the rest of us.

I will cry the day you are born for many reasons. The first being the miracle of you, a gift given to us and I love you. Another because there were times through this pregnancy I wasn't sure how I would make it to this moment, just that I had to and shutting the door to this chapter is a welcomed relief. Life can now move forward. And though there are so many hearts and arms ready to greet you and love you, the one who would hug you the hardest is missing. The loss of my mama, your Mimi, will be overwhelming and writing this through the tears just makes it more glaringly obvious how hard it will be without her there. But mostly, my beautiful boy, I will cry because you free me to be happy, to love fully heartedly, to live for one moment and get lost in it. I will cherish your birth day and savor every second.

As you grow your first few years of life I wish many things for you. I hope you are not as shy as Veronica but not as fearless as Sydney. I hope you are as energetic as Franklin but not as rigid in his desire to control everyone and everything.  I hope you love to learn and have a curiosity that runs rampant. That you enjoy being alone and playing on your own at moments. I hope you are funny and sweet. I hope you love to laugh and play Ring Around the Rosie with your siblings -  going so fast I have to bite my lip in nervousness and then laugh as I watch you all fall in a heap of giggles. I hope that your tiny hand always finds mine and easily snugs into the perfect moment of pure trust and love. I hope you always run to the door to greet daddy and that he will forever be your hero, because he is all of ours. I hope you are sensitive enough to play princess tea parties with the girls but tough enough to take what your big brother is ready to dish out. And love them all for it, because at the end of the day we all love each other and love being together. Through the fights, and whining, and even the tears; a silly comment can bring a smile to everyone's face.

None of this really matters, though, except one thing. I hope the most that you are healthy and thrive in this world. The rest we will figure out and adjust. Soon life will be flipped upside down again, but this time no matter what you bring to the table, it is all for the better. You have already made me a better, stronger, and happier mama than I could ever be without you. I can't wait to meet you, baby boy.