tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32490874232818574802024-03-05T21:47:26.284-06:00Hey Mama, Guess What?!Welcome! I started this blog to write my feelings, and to give a voice for women struggling with reproductive health issues. I am also a huge self-care advocate and I share all of my favorite products I can't live without.
I hope you can find common ground here, get resources when needed, see you have a kind friend in me, and enjoy a peek into my world as a mama of 4 cool kiddos.
“Give the ones you love wings to fly, roots to come back and reasons to stay.” ― Dalai Lama XIVJennifer Barneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00034788918373997727noreply@blogger.comBlogger41125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3249087423281857480.post-82242653916152192012023-04-24T10:27:00.001-05:002023-04-25T11:04:15.518-05:00The Journey will never truly end and that's okNearly 4 years ago I had my hysterectomy and after years of misdiagnosis, unnecessary surgeries, and a sudden decline in my health, I finally had a surgically confirmed diagnosis of Adenomyosis. It released me from the chronic pain and life I had lived most of my life, but when my doctor told me I had less than 1% chance of the endometriosis coming back and that I was truly free... well I Jennifer Barneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00034788918373997727noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3249087423281857480.post-81883365459482273002023-02-28T13:27:00.004-06:002023-02-28T13:31:52.024-06:00My Endo Journey cont... What the F**k is that?This next chapter took a while for me to dive into. Up until this point in my journey, the story flowed from me like a river after the rain. Like a worn book you've read a million times that still tugs at your heartstrings and has you celebrating the wins. The memory of the pain forever embedded in your skin like a faded scar that says you lived through this. But the years following Levi's Jennifer Barneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00034788918373997727noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3249087423281857480.post-25806701460971781182022-11-04T01:12:00.000-05:002022-11-04T16:18:29.000-05:00My Endo Journey Cont...Levi
Mr. Boy climbed in bed this morning on his 8th birthday for some early morning cuddles. He is such an amazing little boy. The biggest heart - he is quite literally a giant ball of love. I tease him saying you are getting too big, and I need him to stop growing. With eyes closed and snuggled in, he whispers "If I could, I would Mama." And my heart just explodes. I'm overwhelmed with love andJennifer Barneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00034788918373997727noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3249087423281857480.post-12384987234187782122022-10-19T13:16:00.003-05:002022-11-03T10:05:04.174-05:00My Endo Journey cont...SydneyMy body tells me what kind of day it will be before my eyes flutter open; my mind doing a body check to see how painful it will be to rise out of bed, let alone tackle the day. Most days my hips ache, thighs burn as if I just climbed a mountain. My lower back stiff and tight, it feels like a rod is shoved in it. My belly round - looking and feeling like I was 3 months pregnant. My head in aJennifer Barneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00034788918373997727noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3249087423281857480.post-14937973128390812792022-09-11T23:55:00.002-05:002022-09-12T00:09:28.699-05:0021 Years Later - A Reflection21 years later and it has almost been as many years as I was old on 9/11. Without fail, a month or a week or a few days before each anniversary, my body begins to deceive me before my mind realizes what is happening. My anxiety flares at night, my heart starts revving, and my mind racing a million miles a second. Tears are always right below the surface, ready to appear at the most random momentsJennifer Barneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00034788918373997727noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3249087423281857480.post-53597038577403491742022-08-28T10:27:00.000-05:002022-08-28T10:27:02.224-05:00My Endo Journey Pt 7Chapter 7The twins birth was surreal. It felt like it took so long to come to fruition, but slipped down hill in an instant. I felt calm, as if I was in the eye of a storm and the drs, nurses, and even family were whirling around me fervently trying to stop this speeding train from crashing. I knew my life was in danger, but I didn't think about not surviving childbirth or being there for these Jennifer Barneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00034788918373997727noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3249087423281857480.post-15869394637521570412022-06-23T09:52:00.001-05:002022-06-23T09:52:18.888-05:00My Endo Journey Part 6 Chapter 6Our parents were over the moon to hear the good news. My mom cried, I cried - it was real and it was happening. All that fear and anxiety melted away and we could just focus on the months ahead; staying healthy and positive about the future. The twins pregnancy was pretty easy in the beginning. When carrying twins you go directly to the Maternal Fetal Medicine department at Jennifer Barneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00034788918373997727noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3249087423281857480.post-79056323519555230732022-06-12T10:11:00.004-05:002022-06-12T10:11:51.959-05:00My Endo Journey Pt 5Our first date was a Dave Mathew's concert in Pittsburgh and it was the beginning to one of the happiest seasons of my life. We road tripped to California and back, took a train ride to DC for the fun of it, would fall asleep in the grasses of Millennium Park on a sunny Sunday morning, and perfected our couple selfie game before phones had cameras or the word selfie existed. But the pain wasJennifer Barneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00034788918373997727noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3249087423281857480.post-55628155319886226392022-05-21T16:47:00.003-05:002022-05-21T16:47:37.773-05:00My Endo Journey Pt 4With my second surgery we learned the lesions regrew on the back of my bladder, my ovaries were covered in scar tissue and more lesions were speckled around. The disease is progressive and will just keep getting worse. No wonder it felt like a knife was in my back, the spots were literally compressing my nerves at the base of my spine. After graduation, I finished my internship at a casting Jennifer Barneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00034788918373997727noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3249087423281857480.post-89663421679329343392022-05-15T09:54:00.009-05:002022-05-21T14:50:50.127-05:00My Endo Journey - Pt 3This time the pain would not be going away like the first time. But the surgery took me from a base line pain level of 6/7 to a 2/3. You can function at a 2/3 and so we went back to the continuous birth control. Back to writing another letter justifying why I needed such a "drastic" prescription. I got really good at sharing my personal health journey with strangers.The biggest problem with Jennifer Barneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00034788918373997727noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3249087423281857480.post-16654730029194365502022-05-15T09:41:00.002-05:002022-05-21T14:51:01.237-05:00My Endo Journey - Pt 2In those 5 years; I danced in France with my ballet company and got hooked on the dream of performing in theaters around the world, I graduated high school in the top 10% of my class, National Honors Society, I danced 6-7 days a week and assisted classes to sunset the cost, I was in The MI State Police Explorers.It was as if all the pain of that year fueled this fire inside me to chase after Jennifer Barneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00034788918373997727noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3249087423281857480.post-53995983896860331082022-05-15T09:33:00.005-05:002022-05-21T14:51:12.776-05:00My Endo Journey - Pt 1Around 14 I started having lower back pain. It started like a thumb pressing on my spine randomly but by the time I entered high school it was constant and felt like a rod being pressed into my back. Within a few months it felt like a knife permanently lodged in my spine.I'll never forget my Spanish teacher, Senior Robinson during this time. His class was at the end of the day and by that time I Jennifer Barneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00034788918373997727noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3249087423281857480.post-14760211261534694282022-03-18T10:17:00.003-05:002022-05-18T09:53:35.591-05:00Between Grief and GratitudeHey mama, guess what? Sydney was in her first theater production this week! It's her first time on stage and I was blown away by how confident she was. She knew her marks and the choreography; leading the way for the rest of the girls. Pride overwhelming at her fearlessness. I've kinda stayed away if I'm honest. I didn't do it on purpose but it is odd behavior of me not to jump in and Jennifer Barneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00034788918373997727noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3249087423281857480.post-62606769514413396022020-04-03T14:21:00.001-05:002020-04-03T14:21:53.060-05:00Women with Grit and Grace - Grandma PatHi kids,
I played a trick tonight to get you to laugh and that allowed a bunch of memories to flood thru of a very important woman in my life. One that you never got to meet but whose love helped shape who I am today. She is the epitome of Grit and Grace, something we are talking alot about at work right now thru this quarantine. And as this time will forever shape your generation and change theJennifer Barneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00034788918373997727noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3249087423281857480.post-53587814597949222562020-02-26T16:36:00.003-06:002020-03-07T16:46:02.324-06:00Our Year in ReviewHello my friends!
It's been a while since I've published any posts even though I've been writing in the background. Too many things that stopped me from sharing, and sometimes you need to get across the raging sea before you can breathe again. It's good to be on the other side of this storm, and I am ready for you.
To catch you up, I need to take you back to a year ago. February 2019 was a Jennifer Barneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00034788918373997727noreply@blogger.com0Chicago, IL, USA41.8781136 -87.629798241.4995241 -88.2752452 42.256703099999996 -86.984351199999992tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3249087423281857480.post-4173573259384735992016-03-25T23:48:00.002-05:002016-03-25T23:48:56.706-05:00Waves
The best words that resonate with me to explain grief describe it in terms of waves. You never quite know when the tide is coming in, when you will get sucked down in the undercurrent, or have the tiniest ripple throw you off balance. And so I keep moving forward despite the flash flood warnings. I do allow myself to cry because she deserves those tears. Her life was cut short, cut fast Jennifer Barneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00034788918373997727noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3249087423281857480.post-72527060283777636642015-09-06T15:05:00.000-05:002015-09-06T19:33:08.620-05:00A Just Born Photo Shoot
I must have been about 10-12 years old when my mom tried her artistic touch at photography and got one of those fancy digital cameras that are now on every new moms must have list. One of the only times she ever splurged on something for herself when I was young that I can remember. We would spend hours dressing in my dance costumes, a new dress she made me or just fooling around in the Jennifer Barneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00034788918373997727noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3249087423281857480.post-12697634620111822362015-08-16T09:18:00.001-05:002015-08-16T09:18:57.172-05:00Best Birthday EverYesterday marks the 2nd birthday without my mother. Last year I felt her loss to my core and every minute was one minute closer to the day being over. I was grateful for the birthday wishes but I also wanted to pretend it was just another day. I was angry, and bitter, and grief stricken. Worst birthday of my life. As the day approached this year I was extremely nervous of how I would feel, Jennifer Barneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00034788918373997727noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3249087423281857480.post-35562222097575520852015-05-15T16:15:00.001-05:002015-06-25T14:34:37.343-05:00A tough week
The week leading to your birthday was a tough one. Most days I can push through the sadness that has been burned into my heart, realizing that this is just the way things are now. The roller coaster of cancer finally derailing us all off track. Each struggling to find a new way along an unfamiliar and solemn road. In a way it's brought us closer and I know that that would have made you happy.&Jennifer Barneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00034788918373997727noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3249087423281857480.post-34600328671020679372014-10-26T14:07:00.001-05:002014-10-29T18:02:19.987-05:00A Letter to my Unborn Son
Hey there buddy boy, less than a week before your arrival! We are so very excited to meet you, and kiss you, and hold you. The best part of this past year was finding out you were joining this family, but it has also been a difficult one; our lives flipped upside down and inside out. A roller coaster ride to say the least. We moved into a new home, in a new town. We opened the doors to our Jennifer Barneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00034788918373997727noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3249087423281857480.post-57737749266595558142014-09-30T06:00:00.000-05:002014-09-30T09:01:39.073-05:00Homemade Dairy Free "Nutella"Nutella has been a favorite of mine ever since I first tasted its deliciousness in a crepe with strawberries from a street truck in Paris. I was 16 and I was hooked. If I was stuck on an island and I could bring a life time supply of one meal, this would be it. It was always a treat though never a routine part of my life.
My son is a very picky eater. He is a visual eater too so if an apple isJennifer Barneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00034788918373997727noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3249087423281857480.post-71344870448183746082014-09-17T22:47:00.001-05:002014-09-18T09:09:58.412-05:002 Months - 2 YearsTwo months since you left and two years since your diagnosis flipped our lives upside down. I haven't felt ready to write anything meaningful since my last letter to you. I don't want this blog to be depression town, but the truth is this is where I'm at in my life and if I can't be honest here then I should stop writing it all together. Hopefully this journal will serve in my own healing Jennifer Barneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00034788918373997727noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3249087423281857480.post-10581467766901795592014-08-20T17:47:00.001-05:002014-08-20T19:23:09.996-05:00Surviving Kindergarten Orientation with TwinsFirst of all congratulations on surviving twins all the way to kindergarten! This in itself should be celebrated. Most likely your school will encourage you to separate them at this point. I separated mine in preschool and although it was hard at first, they quickly adjusted and thrived in their new independence and we all enjoyed the separation. It made reuniting that much sweeter and the rest Jennifer Barneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00034788918373997727noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3249087423281857480.post-44501035521448428782014-07-18T13:59:00.001-05:002014-07-18T13:59:31.084-05:00Letter To My MamaThis post is for you, my mama. You would always encourage me to write. I'd have the most vivid, complex dreams when I was little that I would tell you about over breakfast and you would say "you need to be writing these down Jennifer." You gave me a journal when I danced in France at 16, another when I spent the summer abroad. I would start writing every time with this fascination that I would Jennifer Barneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00034788918373997727noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3249087423281857480.post-68339404362592567012014-06-13T06:31:00.003-05:002014-06-13T06:31:30.548-05:00Stop before you word vomit all over yourself
I am currently pregnant with, duhn duhn
duhn.... number four. And it was completely unplanned.
Take a moment to inhale deeply
and shake your head. Gasp if you need to. Go ahead Judgy McJudgers I get it, or
at least I used to.
We have 5 year old boy/girl twins
and an 18 month old. After finally being settled in our new town I was ready to
join the multiples group I had heard so many Jennifer Barneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00034788918373997727noreply@blogger.com0